Reply to Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Psycho estranged mother invaded my Mother's Day "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She sounds severely mentally ill. Who is helping her get treatment, since you're apparently not up for the task?[/quote]

OP here. I've sought a lot of advice about her over the decades and the concensus -- both from my own therapists and three relatives who are therapists-- is that she has a personality disorder. It's not something you can medicate away like a mood disorder or anxiety. Therapy for these disorders can work eventually if the person really wants it and works hard at. The problem is, people with these disorders, my mother included, think that there is nothing wrong with them. To her, everyone is either an appendage that exists to serve her, the main organism, or an enemy. If you suggest she did something wrong you become the enemy. First she gas lights (person with criticism is very ill, selfish, or deluded). Then she rages. Then she starts rallyimg her flying monkeys - a couple of sycophantic friends and her sister -- to go after the person who crossed her.

This woman has never apologized for anything in her life, nor  admitted even the slightlest imperfection.

When I was a kid my brother tried to kill himself and the doctor recommended family therapy. We all went once. My mother spent the entire session complaining about how her husband and kids were ungrateful, cruel, and more trouble than she could bear. I was ten. Brother was thirteen. My brother actually asked the therapist to take us away from her.

Bottom line,  therapy is for people who want to change. It's for people who want to have decent relationships and be their best selves. It's not for someone who believes that the best change involves bullying others into buying what you're selling. [/quote]

I am not the PP above. OP, I'm sorry for your awful situation. I was glad to see your response here and to see that you've gotten or are getting  therapy yourself, so you can navigate life and understand your own upbringing with such a difficult, sick person as your mom. Good for you for getting that therapy.

I am actually wondering here if your brother is OK now. The example of a boy of 13 asking a therapist on the FIRST visit to remove him from his parents is -- beyond sad.

One thought that may or may not apply to your situation, OP: Most schools and organizations (like scouts, churches/synagogues etc.) are good about this now, and don't hand off a kid to anyone who claims to be a relative...but just in case, do be sure that you explicitly notify schools, preschools, activities, etc. that your mother is not permitted to pick up your child. (I'm betting you've already done this!)

It sounds as if your mom's attentions are limited and she has not tried anything like turning up at a child's school or activity unexpectedly, and that is good. But I have seen a case where a person who was a relative (not grandparent) of a kid turned up at the kid's activity events (sports games, theatre performances) that were technically open to anyone. The parents, for reasons I won't go into, did not want this relative anywhere near their children but couldn't do much about attendance at a public event as there was no restraining order. Again, this doesn't sound like your mom's MO, and I hope she now disappears for good, but just in case, I'd maybe tell the directors of any activities, as well as schools, that she has no pickup rights and you should be called instantly if she turns up.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics