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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a sahm and my husband has an intense job.   To be honest, it's a relatively new position that I asked him not to take as we have a child with physical and mental health issues.  I don't really care about the extra money , as we were doing more than fine before this.  He wants to golf every weekend often multiple times in a weekend.  This weekend I am taking my daughter and a friend on an overnight fur her birthday.  Leave Friday home Saturday.   He wants to golf Mother's Day as he won't be able to Friday or Saturday.  He travels or is home late 3 to 4 days in the week.   Our son sees a therapist and lack of time with dad has clearly emerged as an issue. My husband gets defensive when I try to talk to him about it.  He says he works the 60 hour work week and should be able to do what he wants on the weekends.  My one child is extremely difficult and my other is intense in different ways as has some tough learning disabilities.  While I don't work, I'm the only parent from 6-8 am and 3-10 pm almost every night and am solo most of the weekend.   The Mother's Day golf thing just threw me and I said I really don't like him much anymore.  Not nice, I know but Im afraid it's true.  Thoughts?  WWYD? [/quote]

You sound like a door mat. The Mothers day thing "threw you"?

How about you are married to an absentee husband and your kids have an absentee father. Threw is not the word. You married a self absorbed jerk.[/quote]

Op here. I'm no doormat.  This dynamic has been around for awhile but honestly I'm exhausted dealing with my one child's issues and have little fight left in me anymore.  I think I've known it's over for awhile.  Another example , if he has a day off - like a Friday , he golfs, never thinks to say hey let's grab lunch and a movie, hike or whatever.  And if I say it would be nice if you were able to surprise kids by picking them up or something similar he says well normally I'd be at work on this day so what does it matter?  Truly not comprehensible to me to think that way.  I used to work an intense , full time job and I moved the moon to be around for my kids as much as I could.  Anyway, I guess I'm just sad.   On the Mother's Day thing I made dinner plans some place I like and he complained about the venue.  This am he asked what time brunch was so he could golf- no brunch as I thought maybe I'd get away a bit or we could all do something as a family.  But I DID make a dinner reservation - sorry-rant but just to flesh out even further his thinking with respect to Mother's Day. [/quote]

Sorry, your husband is a jerk.  He doesn't care about being a husband, he doesn't care about being a father.  He appears to care about work and golf and not much else.  Golfing multiple times a weekend every weekend is just inexcusable.  18 holes is about four hours, not including travel time, having lunch or a drink with the guys afterwards, etc.  And it sounds like he's not really around even if he's not playing golf.  He's been told that his decision not to spend time with his kids is affecting his son, and he argues that his personal preferences are more important.

I'd be looking at a divorce, but in the meantime, hire more help.  People mention a nanny, but it sounds like your kids are in school.  I'd hire a housecleaner, if you haven't already.  Anything else you can outsource, do.  Hire someone to watch the kids at a set time every week so you can take a class or meet a friend or whatever feels re-energizing for you.  If you divorce, you'll still be dealing with the kids full-time, and probably needing to get at least a part-time job and he'll still find ways to disappoint you with respect to the kids.  But you won't be sharing your home with someone who seems to have no respect for you or affection for his chidren.  [/quote]

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