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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband of 5 years (no kids) and I had real issues stemming partially from mental health issues that really drove us apart.  We have put in a lot of work to tackle the problems, improve communication etc, and have a pleasant life  and relationship.  But I feel no passion for him, love and respect but no real desire.  He's low drive so that won't drive him crazy - but I'm trying to decide whether this will keep me happy long term if it's as good as we'll get.

Has anyone been happy long term in a marriage like this?  Or does it eventually build up and topple everything.[/quote]

OP, your next relationship will become passionless with time too. It is the nature of long-term relationships. Because you have no children, there is no compelling reason for you to stay.

Happiness has little to do with it, so you are asking the wrong question. [/quote]

I agree, and I wish this whole idea of passion, romance and marriage would just die off. It is a recently developed and I think misguided view of marriage that has taken over western culture and not at all realistic. Respect, companionship, alignment of life goals/priorities, yes. Sparks and passion, they last only a short time and they are no reason to get married or stay married.
[/quote]

a lot of truth born of pain.

During my first depression I was trying to find a therapist who asked me how long it had been since my wife and I had sex together.  At that time it was 2 months, which was a LONG time, and she told me that is not too bad, some of her clients had gone years without sex together.  At that time I thought that was crazy, who would stay together in a marriage for years without sex.  Well 6 years later, after layoffs, teenagers, addictions, I found myself in the same situation, years without sex and still married.   My experience was time just flies by.  Dealing with shit, just trying to keep things together, life takes it toll.  What was easy and fun becomes unbearable. I am really in awe of people that divorce and get on with their life while having children.  They really are amazing. And I am jealous of their strength.   Staying together and not having sex, is a cowards way, but I am a coward also.  In my 50's and not sure how it really happened.  But it did, and I am still barely employed, and still just trying to keep a house and food and family ok, without passion.[/quote]

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