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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I like the idea of counseling for both of you to help work this out. The part I find most troublesome is his ultimatum.. So I wonder if when you were offered jobs that were better for YOU, ultimatums were issued as well? These kind of tit for tats can and will destroy a marriage (look at your post title).

So here's the question - what is more important to you - family or career? There isn't a "right" answer - it's a personal one, and a personal choice. What is it about your career that you feel scared about losing (again your words) if you move? Status? Money? Personal fulfillment?

Remember that people can and do have very successful carreers all over the country. In general, financial compensation reflects the COL for the area, and in some lower COL areas, certain professions actually do better for themselves away from big, saturated markets like DC.

If youve bound yourself to a niche - is it available anywhere other than DC? If you're confident in your skills, if it's just that you lose your client book, then you should start working on networking properly whether you stay or go, because you can never rely on staying at the same firm forever anyway.

Are you looking to have more children? You realize for women, despite the promise of a shattering glass ceiling, depending on your organization, women who keep bowing out even short term, start to get set aside? What if your next child is special needs? Can you afford to stay in DC?

Don't discount anything based on your personal knee jerk reaction. Deeply think about what matters to you and why, and if it matters in the end.

A few years ago, DH got an offer cross country in about the last place in the world I want to live (think flyover country). It was really the only way for him to get a promotion. We lived apart for around 18 months and then I decided to relocate. The period of living apart really hurt our relationship, I was so filled with resentment. I was scared that my very niche career, which was important to me, was done. AFter I moved, a competitor approached me to telework for them. The city I hated so much for the first while now is a nice change from the constant stress of the city, that I used to love. DH has quickly climbed the new ranks and the low COL for the area allows us to have more, do more and have less financial pressure than before.

It's not perfect, but I'm glad we took a leap of faith.[/quote]

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