Reply to thoughts on telling older child you're doing IVF?

Forum Index » Infertility Support and Discussion

Reply to "thoughts on telling older child you're doing IVF?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I guess now I'm one of those annoying people who keep responding to the responders, but here goes.  :roll:

I did say my daughter noticed each pregnancy. I didn't mean to suggest that I spoke to her about them or let her know she was right. Either she's just one of those sensitive, empaths who can pick up on stuff or what, but she knew. Each time, she knew. And she would tell me I knew. And I would deny. I would deflect. I even tried the whole "it's not polite to point out weigh gain" line once. She winked at me and said something smart-alecky like "it's not polite to lie to your kid about not being pregnant." I know, people are eye-rolling that I think I have a special snowflake. But she's... special. She sees things people don't want seen. She pays attention to everything. And still, I've literally lied to her face about it all. Except for vaguely finally giving in one Christmas day when she was crying while playing with her legos that it was going to be yet another year with no sibling to play with. Maybe it was wrong. But it felt right just to tell her that we were still trying. And I literally had no choice about one of the miscarriages. I wouldn't have told her the truth but a medical professional took that out of my hands.

My gut told me to maybe be vaguely honest about medicine, since she's going to see it and I have no intention of buying a mini fridge and trying to hide it. Our house isn't so huge that she wouldn't notice something like that. I don't have a "walk in closet." And we don't have locks on any doors in the house except the front and the back. But my gut was also telling me not to say anything more because I do want to protect her heart from the ups and downs. I just wanted some thoughts from the community on whether I should actually say more. Other threads have people telling their kids at 3 and 4 that they came from a donor egg, which I get is a different situation, but it still made me at least [i]wonder [/i]whether I should tell my deeply invested pre-teen a little more than what I had been telling her. I'm frankly shocked at all the judgment getting thrown my way. Thanks to those of you who have posted thoughtful suggestions. They are deeply appreciated.[/quote]

You should try to keep this private.  If she calls your bluff on it, then go from there.

If you want practical tips on doing all this on the down low, I can help with that part.  I had to take multiple group vacations with a shared fridge and shared bathrooms while doing IVF shots.  The only thing that needs to be refrigerated is the small vials.  Other gear you will have...syringes, possibly the multi-use injection pen, a sharpie disposal container, progesterone suppositories...all of that can be hidden on a top shelf in your closet.  Hide the medicine (again, not large...you can take it out of the box) in a cleaned out mayo jar on the side of the fridge or in a small Tupperware wrapped in a paper towel shoved way in the back.  You know your family and your family's habits.  Find something that no one will investigate.  Unless your daughter thoroughly cleans the fridge regularly, this will work.

Do you have an office at work with a lock?  Do the morning shot at work.  Bring everything you need in a small cooler (like one you would pack your lunch in).  Do the evening shot at home after your daughter is in bed.

There are practical ways around this.  You can do this OP.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics