Reply to Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy.

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Reply to "Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has your mom forgiven him?[/quote]

What the fuck does this have to do with anything?  OP's mother LET him abuse her?![/quote]

You are woefully ignorant re domestic abuse.[/quote]

Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with it.  I was on the receiving end.  You can spout all you like about how OP's mother was a victim too but when it boils down to it, she failed to protect OP.  We can agree to disagree on that.  Whether OP's mother has forgiven OP's father should have no part in OP's decision.  Two different women, two different relationships.  OP needs to make her decision independent of what her mother has decided.[/quote]

OP here.  My mother did not consider what my father did to me as abuse.  She condoned it and did not disagree with his actions.  She considered it punishment or the consequences of my bad behavior.  So there is no forgiveness there.  Now If you asking if she has forgiven him for cheating on her, yes she has.

I have decided that I am not reaching out.  The dream has stopped consuming me for the time being and my brain is back to remembering how life was with him.  I'm sure I'll regret this decision but I don't want to face the prospect that he doesn't care about me. I'm trying to get to back to not giving a fu&K.

[/quote]

I missed this thread the first time around, OP. I was estranged from my father for my adult life and only met back up when he was dying and his brother (who I get along with) asked me to. The last straw for me had been a few years earlier at that brother's/uncle's wedding. I'd been in therapy about the estrangement and it gave me the insight and strength to talk to him about the reasons for the estrangement--play out that fantasy about them saying "I was wrong, sorry I hurt you."  Didn't happen. By his response it was clear that he had not changed, would not change, and did not see anything wrong with what he'd done. So I started mourning him then, and when he actually was ill and died it was nbd to go back and support my uncle and pay lip service to my dying dad.

You don't have to regret this decision. If you were my friend I would recommend that you find a therapist (male) to work through this and maybe help you uninstall the guilt programming he installed during your childhood.[/quote]

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