Reply to What do I need to know about dating and possibly marrying a widowed father with young kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What do I need to know about dating and possibly marrying a widowed father with young kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're not their mom.

He misses his wife.

You'll always be the second choice. [/quote]

NP here.

PP, you are a sad and miserable excuse for a human being. You must have a horrible life.[/quote]

Because I told the truth?  OP can NEVER compete with the ghost of those kids' dead mother. It's like dating a divorced guy, only worse, because she isn't an ex, she's a dead saint.

I've watched too many people in my family canonize their dead spouse.  A decent guy/women suddenly becomes "Saint Whoever" after he/she dies. Nobody should live with that.

And those kids are going to be emotionally messed up.  Take the difficulty of step-parenting and add depressed, traumatized kids to it. No freaking way.

Run, OP![/quote]

I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with some of this.  I've seen the Saint Whoever thing in action.  It doesn't even matter if the person was abusive; they pass away, and suddenly the spouse regards the person as a saint.  I don't know why people do this.  Not all people do it, though.

I think that OP could probably tell a lot by how the husband talks about the wife if this is going to be an issue.  I think also meeting the MIL and extended family will be revealing.  If they approach OP as being in competition with the deceased wife, then OP should run, because that's a competition you can't win.

But maybe they won't treat her that way.  A lot depends.  But these are definitely things OP needs to look out for.  And at OP's age (given she wants kids), I wouldn't wait any longer to meet the extended family and feel out the situation.  It's understandable if the guy wants to go slow, but OP needs to think hard about what she is looking for.  If she really does want to have kids of her own and her boyfriend wants to take it super slow, then I think she might want to consider moving on.  It's not that either person is wrong, but it's just that the reality of time means that maybe they shouldn't proceed.  OP doesn't want to pressure the boyfriend or rush him, especially given kids are involved, but if it's going to be another 6 months before she even meets the MIL and kids and has an opportunity to see if it can even work, then I think she'd be better off moving on.

Unless she's madly in love with the guy, but it doesn't sound like she's there.

The reality is that she isn't going to know if it's something she can sign up for until she meets not just the kids, but the MIL and deceased wife's family.  It sounds like they are very involved, so if she finds them difficult to deal with, it's not going to work.

The kids are young, and so I doubt the kids won't welcome her.  But the extended family, especially the MIL, could be a constant thorn in her side.

Just my 2 cents[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics