Reply to Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy.

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Reply to "Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While he is alive you have the opportunity to make peace with your father.  Ask yourself how you will you feel if/when he does and you are still estranged.  Make the effort because you will never regret having done so.  Good luck.[/quote]

OP here.  This is what my DH thinks as well.  He wasn't close with his father, but they spoke every now and then. He was very close with mother and still gets very emotional when thinking of her.  So he thinks I should make peace while I still can.

I didn't dream of him last night so that was a relief.

I guess I am so reluctant to reach out because I really don't think of him often.  Before this dream, I probably hadn't thought of him in at least a year.  Prior to this dream, IDGAF. (Or at least I thought I didn't?)  What if I reach out and realize he doesn't give a fu@K?  That would be heartbreaking.  I've been blissfully ambivalent about him all of these years and I don't know that I want to actually realize that he doesn't care about me.  (Was that confusing--sounds confusing when I read it)

My mother has hoped for years that we would reconcile, but then I remind her of the a$$ beatings, slaps, and locking me out of the house for days and that shuts her down. She'll still throw in a little barb "You survived".  [/quote]

You have a lot to forgive but it is true that forgiveness is a gift to yourself.  This would be an opportunity for you to tell him how you feel and how much it hurt you.  He may try to justify or he may ask for your forgiveness. But primarily it will free you of this burden.

Again, I wish you good luck.  Come back and let us know what you do.[/quote]

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