Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, when you say his ex was not thrilled about the divorce, do you mean that he left her?  Really think about whether you want to marry a man who left the mother of his children.

Can you and your boyfriend afford all these kids?  What happens if he has a change in his income, or if one of the kids ends up having some expensive special needs?  How will you feel when you are not able to spend money as you wish, because of his agreement with his ex?  If her income drops, he will have to pay more.

Whatever you do, don't buy into the "children are resilient" crap.  That's just the excuse adults make for treating children badly.  Divorce can be profoundly traumatizing for young children and take years for them to recover.  Not all kids, but some.  You need to be realistic about it.[/quote]

OP here - yikes you all are making this seem pretty awful.
[b]
I have a good amount of money so we can financially afford more kids[/b].

Yes he left his family - they both agreed they were miserable, his wife wanted to keep working on it but he threw in the towel.  I don't currently judge him for it because I know how soul sucking a marriage where the love is gone can be - but maybe I'll feel differently when I have kids?

One of the problems in my first marriage is that my DHs needs always came before mine. With my current BF I fully want my boyfriend to put his kids first, he should and I would be disgusted with him if he didn't, but after reading all this I'm increasingly concerned about even though I believe thats the way it should be, actually living it will slowly grow resentment [/quote]

Glad to hear you have money-- you'll need it.  Do you truly understand how expensive it is to have three children?

What happens if the ex can't afford to raise her children at the same financial level as you want to raise yours?  For example, what if you want to send your kid to private school but your boyfriend and his ex can't afford that for their two kids?  This is something you'll need to talk through with your boyfriend.  I recommend that you have pre-marriage counseling and also see a financial planner specializing in stepfamilies.  It's harder than you might think.[/quote]

OP, do you want to be a SAHM?  Are you 100% sure you can afford this?  Think about how much is riding on his ex's health and earning capacity.  If she should become ill and unable to work, or God forbid pass away, your boyfriend would have to have full physical custody AND pay for everything.  You might find yourself a full-time working mom of three, not a SAHM of one with every-other-weekend stepkids.  Would you be ok with that?[/quote]

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