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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your brother cannot "do the right thing" because conceiving a child and never contacting that child and keeping that child a secret can *never* be made right. The whole issue is so messed up and so much bigger than "telling" or "not telling." You cannot force your brother to be a decent person and convincing him to "tell" will not fix this situation.[b] Your brother is incredibly messed up[/b] and nothing can protect his children from that or "fix" it. You cannot minimize the fallout from this.

You cannot control your brother's behavior. But you can control yours. [b]You can tell him, "I will not deny my nephew. If he calls me 'aunt' on Facebook, I am not going to cover it up and hide it from your children. If your children see it and ask me, I will tell them truthfully that he is my nephew. If they continue to ask questions I will tell them to discuss it with you. If my children ask me, I will tell them the truth. I will not ask them to hide it from anyone."[/b] [/quote]

+1000  Don't protect your brother's deceit anymore.  I would not force your brother to come clean; he seems too cowardly.  However, I would tell him that you will maintain an open and non-secretive relationship with the secret nephew and you will be honest with your kids about their cousin.

[b]When[/b] his "legitimate" kids find out, your brother will have a monstrous mess on his hands.   Your brother didn't just have an extramarital child, but he compelled his extended family members to maintain his secret for almost two dozen years, presently.  You will be part of the fallout for protecting the deceit but at least you can honestly say that you were very reluctant about it.

Also, your other nephews will probably want to discuss things with you since you have maintained an open relationship with their half sibling--you might be the only relative that they will trust for information.  [/quote]

I doubt they will if she's the one who tells them, even inadvertently, that they have a brother.

I'd just be vague if anyone asks who he is. I'd say he's a family friend or something similar, but keep allowing aunt/nephew if he wants to keep that up. [/quote]

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