Reply to I think my DD's teacher is gaslighting her....

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's really important you document these comments, whether or not they are "gaslighting" or the teacher's attempts to point out "real" problems.

As a parent with kids who are bright but have had to deal with LDs, ADHD and/or medical disabilities over the years, we have had teachers make similar (and worse) comments.  Teachers have called DCs "lazy" "disobedient" "unable to follow directions", "needs redirection" "procrastinating", "faking it," "too emotional/sensitive" "too much work for me"  or pulled out for various "behavioral issues" etc.

It's important to document these kinds of incidents, and the best way is with a polite but immediate email restating what your child reported the teacher said and asking for more information from the teacher.  For example, "DD told me today that you told her that she had a "hard day" in class today.  DD is confused because she thought she was doing fine in class today.  Can you please let me know what happened?  Thanks so much!  DD's Mom"

IME, you get one of several kinds of responses back -- 1) no response or 2) I never said that or 3)  I said that but didn't mean it to sound mean or critical or 4) I said it and meant it here is what your child was doing wrong, i.e. I had to ask your DD to return to task 3 times in 10 minutes, or DD had to be prompted to start task 3 times, etc.  or 5) I said it and meant it, here is what your child is doing wrong (but the description makes it clear that the teacher is wrong or out of line).

The reason why it's important to document is that if the teacher is behaving inappropriately, you need documentation to stop it.  A series of emails documenting the inappropriate comments can then be forwarded to a supervisor to intervene and stop the teacher bullying.  If the feedback is an accurate reflection of the fact that your child is struggling in class, you will need the documentation anyway to show what kind of difficulties DD is having and that the teacher and student need more support.  These kinds of emails will become your proof of the "adverse impact on education" that is required to get either a 504 or an IEP.  Nothing documents "adverse educational impact" better than a written record of the teacher's own complaints/words.

IME, teachers who are bullying or gaslighting tend to not realize that the emails that the parent is sending are a form of record and thus fail to realize the kind of warning they present.  These teachers tend to repeat this kind of bullying/gaslighting behavior, because it's a fundamental part of how they see students (i.e. it's a reflection of the discrimination against kids with disabilities) and a fundamental part of how they manage all students in a classroom (through fear and criticism).    One email asking about one particular incident doesn't tend to stop this behavior, but several emails together forwarded to a principal or a special ed supervisor can bring outside supervisors to bear to change the behavior.  In the beginning, the teacher can be retaliatory, but consistently documenting the retaliation and raising it to the attention of supervisors eventually ends it, IME.

This technique is also valuable for those situations in which a teacher is failing or refusing to provide accommodations listed on a 504 or IEP.

Other PPs have suggested outside observation.  That is a good idea, but you also need to be documenting.  One observation won't be enough to establish "adverse educational impact".  Give the documentation to whomever you hire for observation, so they know what to look for.

Also, it's really important to do an neuropsych assessment so you can objectively rule out other possible reasons for inattention -- for example, one of my DCs has a receptive and expressive language disorder.  That DC can take a long time to respond verbally, can have difficulty with written directions, and once responding can have word-finding difficulty that makes DC appear of task.  All of these can be perceived by the teacher as inattention, but the real problem is language.  Another DC is very bright and what seems to be inattention is complete and utter boredom.  (Imagine if you read on a college level but had to listen to Cat in the Hat all day.  Your mind would start to wander and the teacher would think you have an attention problem.)

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