Reply to We're getting used to not having sex

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "We're getting used to not having sex"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]<<i mean, this sounds good in the abstract. but it takes 2 for this to work and, frankly, you are putting a LOT on the DW in this scenario. let me tell you, as a DW who has lived with this for years and tried many different tactics to get through to my DH, the DH has to take responsibility for his feelings of inadequacy and also decide how best for him to proceed.>>

I am putting a lot on the DW, it's true. It's hard to be an adult. You seem to be saying that because the DH is acting like a child, the DW is entitled to, too. That is not going to solve anything. Perhaps your problem is that you are relying on "tactics" to try to get your DH to change when, in fact, the real change needs to come in yourself.

It's hard to stand up for yourself and clearly state your needs and insist on them being met. Someone who is not emotionally enmeshed to the point of giving up their own individuality would not be showing the level of anger that you are. Anger and bitterness is not very attractive. You are feeling good blaming your DH for not changing when, in fact, it doesn't seem to me like you are willing to change either. That is how you are coming across, and it is sad.

Because if you really started to change yourself, inside, chances are your DH would change too. It is inevitable, when two people are locked in an emotional way of interacting, if one member of the pair starts to shift then the other will be shifted too. Sexuality is often a window into people's overall relationship dynamics.

I'm talking from experience here. I had a disappointing sex life and my DH was dealing with ED problems. I blamed it all on the ED. It was *not* that. How we were dealing with the ED was a reflection of our whole relationship pattern and we had to work on changing it, with the help of therapy and reading books and taking emotional risks, and it was hard work. Saying "my DH won't work hard so I won't work hard either" is a way of blaming someone else for your unwillingness to change your own life. [/quote]

we have been to therapy.  twice in fact.  both times we discussed this issue in depth.  i am not acting like a child - i am acting like somebody who has run out of patience with somebody else who will not take the reins and try to be a leader.  i tried to be a leader.  for years.  i have moved on.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics