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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  This is not a troll post. I don't know what gives that impression.  I am really really sorry this happened.  When I came clean with DH, this is what he told me. He is not sure what he wants to do at this moment.  It is very clear and has been clear for some time that our marriage has been broken.  The kiss is a symptom of this, not a cause.  The cause, he says, is our inability to effectively and constructively deal with intractable differences that revolve around careers and money.  Every fight we seem to have are around those two things - oh, and housework.  He also says that he knows that I've probably been seeing this guy on and off for some time, and that it is very poor judgement on my part to have brought him home.  "You f**ked up," he said, "And now it is on you to repair whatever relationship you want to have with our daughter."  He is coming back from his latest business trip this Friday, says he is not sure whether he wants me to pick him up at the airport, not sure whether he wants to celebrate Easter as a family.  He told me I need to get into therapy and fix myself and figure out how to go about fixing relationship with DD.  
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Your H sounds very grounded and he is right. This is YOUR relationship with your DD.

My teen son caught his dad 8 months ago. It was a really bad 1st month, but I encouraged him to spend time with his dad and to power through the hard feelings. I am the cheated on spouse though, so it's not like you can tell your DD that. I am the one that my son trusted to know how to treat somebody with respect even when they wrong you.

This really comes down to how well your H deals with it.

Some things my H did that made me want to help him with his relationship with his son was start therapy immediately, like the week after he was caught. Went to therapy 2 times a week. 100% admitted it was his fault, never saw OW again, no breakup call, nothing and never played the I would not have cheated if you <fill in the blank with lame excuse>. He moved to the guest room. He treated me with respect and did not blame, fight or abandon the kids. He became more engaged with the family schedule.

He sat the teen down and explained that when you make mistakes there are consequences and his consequences are big. He did not cry or complain when the teen called him names and said he hated him. It is really hard for my son to "do the right thing" because "dad didn't". This is in relationship to drinking parties, pot, etc. But I explain, bad decisions have bad consequences and sometimes those consequences are not immediate.

good luck!

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