Reply to Feel Betrayed by Sister

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]... Its not even that I'm upset that she did not follow the "plan" or "hopes and expectations" of our parents/family. They were never imposed on her. It was just an unwritten understanding on each our parts that these were our dreams. ... [/quote]
To me - and I think to many people here - the understanding of what hopes/expectations are "imposed" on offspring, and how they are imposed, is different from the understanding you seem to have. I would say that any "unwritten understanding on each our parts" within a family - especially in an environment where (as you said earlier) father chose the area of study for your sister, and the hopes/expectations included a lot of financial support to parents and siblings - has been "imposed." This does not mean that the parents were evil - not at all. It does not even mean that it was entirely the parents' doing. It could be generations and generations of culture, all weighing down on parents as well as on offspring.

And I don't mean to be culturally "othering" you, wherever you are from. There are many families and subcultures in this country that tend to do the same imposing of values, particularly including financial obligations, respect obligations to parents, and obligations to live the life that one's parents deem to be valuable.

And sometimes it takes a long time, well into one's 30s or longer, to realize "hey, you know, this is not actually what I wanted at all. i said that i did, and tried to convince myself that i did, but i realize know that i was parroting what i thought i was supposed to say and believe and feel."  Common human psychology.

So please at least try to get past that word "betrayed" in the title of your post. [/quote]

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