Reply to DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Imagine your DH has struck up friendships with the staff at a neighborhood bookstore that he frequents. A lot of the staff happen to be young women.  What's your comfort level, roughly?

1. he goes to the store frequently and they chat
2. he has exchanged phone numbers and they text
3. he meets up with them socially (without you present)
4. he invites them over to your home

Or some other "level" I am not articulating here.

Where are you cool with it?  Where are you irked?  [/quote]
1,2 &4 are all OK as long as I'm included; 3 is only OK if 1, others are present, 2, no drinking/flirting/purely just friends, and 3, I'm welcome at all times and join them frequently.

OTOH, I live in a DC neighborhood in which we all know each other by necessity and even the store clerks are moms whose kids attend 2-3 IB schools, so it's important to form connections to watch houses when we travel and for playdates.

OP, here's where I'd get concerned:
1. are you young/childless? are they?
2. are you not included/excluded?
3. is it more flirtatious and less networking?

OP, if you are uncomfortable with all of this, that is enough for your s/o to back off a little and focus on his primary relationship/you.

[/quote]

OP here.  For the record, DH has done 1, 2 and 3 from my original post.  Not 4. I would actually feel better about it if he did #4 and invited them to our home. Or maybe as someone else suggested, if he had told me up front that he was going to see "Jen" when he went to go watch the fight. (But I can already hear him saying back to me, "but I didn't know when I went out to watch the fight if Jen was going to come! She just texted me and asked what I was up to! she was wrapping up her Tinder date!" He insists these friendships are so innocent and will be sure to reference that Jen was on another date on Sat night when this happened. But it just doesn't bring me any comfort.

To answer questions above, 
1. We are in our mid 30s and have a child. The bookstore staff are early/mid 20s and do not have kids. 
2. I know a couple of the women just in passing/greeting at the store, and 2 of them have babysat for us.
3. It definitely isn't networking, since there is no professional connection. I dont know if it is flirting b/c i'm not part of the interactions.

This all just makes me sad. why does he need these "friendships" with 23 year old women? and why must i spend my time wondering what i've done wrong and what I can do better, instead of focusing on DH's behavior and how maybe *he* is doing wrong here?[/quote]

WTF. A married man with a child going to a bar to watch a 'fight' with a girl in her early 20s that he chatted up with and met at a local bookstore?

That is basically dating. And completely inappropriate. [/quote]

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