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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would say that it's either overwhelming or expensive and you know better than we so whether you can affors that second option.  ;)

We have a nanny who switched her schedule to afternoons during my maternity leave so that DH and I handled the morning routine together, DH dropped off older two to school/preschool, nanny picked them up, kept them happy and occupied, made dinner and did baths and then stayed after bedtime to do dinner dishes, kids' laundry and pack lunches for the next day.  Once I went back to work she resumed her normal schedule and she handled the morning routine with all three kids by herself so that I could sleep in a little and recover from overnight feedings, then she got the baby on a good nap schedule that works with older kids' routines, handled laundry and general household stuff during the morning shift when she only had the baby and made dinner for the family, then handled afternoons with all 3 and DH and I would arrive home to bathed kids already i pjs, dinner on the table and a reasonably tidy house.  Now the kids are 9, 7 and 5 and our nanny still works full-time.  She now does all the grocery shopping, laundry, and dinner prep during the day, as well as staying on top of things like bringing snack for soccer, getting new winter coats, getting supplies needed for a project, etc.  She also covers all school holidays and manages getting everyone's homework and music practice done and schlepping them to their various activities and playdates.  We still arrive home to kids who are bathed and in jammies and dinner on the table and they usually are done with homework and practices and are ready to just chill out and enjoy family time.  [/quote]

So when do you parent?  Asking honestly, but as a fellow strugging Mom of three of around the same age, it sounds like the nanny is doing much of the parenting.  How do you fill the emotional/logistical gaps?[/quote]

Not PP, but I'd guess she's parenting after she comes home. Reading her post, it seems like the nanny is doing all the stuff you have to do as a parent but isn't really "parenting". Buying groceries, new coats, bringing soccer snacks? I'd love it if someone could handle that stuff so I could just chill out and give my undivided attention to the kids when I come home.  How much parenting are you doing while doing laundry or buying project supplies?[/quote]

+1[/quote]

Reread her post. Nanny does all the upkeep for the house, does the school holidays and events, handles homework and shuttling to practices and games and playdates, then comes home and cooks dinner and does baths and jams and has the kids ready for their nightly kiss goodnight from mummy and daddy. Kids need a new winter coat? Nanny handles that. Kid needs to bring oranges to soccer? That's nanny. OP and her husband are missing all the small moments in which parenting actually occurs and is rewarding. That nanny probably sticks around because she IS their mom and she's scared of what'll happen to those kids if she isn't around. For that PP the question isn't if she regrets having her third, it's why did she bother having kids at all if she was going to outsource all but the last 60 minutes a day of care for them.[/quote]

I really applaud the poster who took so much time to respond in detail as to how she makes three work.  Some parents love the "small moments" and would not feel fulfilled as parents if they did not choose the winter cost, cook, etc.  I am one of those parents, and no longer work outside the home.  But honestly -- maybe my child would be better off if I did not feel *a tiny bit* frustrated when  my DC decides for some strange reason never to wear the coat/shoes/whatever we chose together.  Maybe homework would go more quickly if mother/tutor roles were not combined.  School projects are always fun, but probably somewhat more creative than need be.  And so on.  Poster with awesome nanny is probably an awesome mom, and her relationship with her children is doubtless smoother than my relationship with my DC; there is something to be said for that.

I think it is a matter of personal preference.  OP, if you had three, might you be willing to let go a bit?  Would you feel comfortable at the propect of hiring extra help to take on some of the day to day, if need be?  Obviously that is not a  question you need to answer here.[/quote]

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