Reply to My sister is quitting her job to care for my mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op,
Just a thought here, since this is my industry.
The likelihood that a person (your mother) who didn't like home health aides and essentially is refusing their services, is going to be pleasant and happy with the free care your sister is going to give is unfortunately a bit low.

It is very common for children to get the absolute brunt of a parents anger, resentment and general malaise about being old, sick and tired (it must be awful, no judgment from me)and having to rely on someone else to do everything "right." No one will do it exactly right (think about a meal at a restaurant or a house cleaner. Is it exactly how you would do it? No) and that becomes a very stressful and demanding time for the caregiver, especially one that is giving up a job and her time for free to help. I read your account thinking "oh no, this poor woman" and I meant your sister :)

She will need your undying support that she is doing everything the best she can and zero criticism, especially if your mom now starts to complain about how she does things.

I would make all your help about how to help HER, just like you would do with a new mom, how can you help her so she can help your mom.[/quote]

I would try to put mom into an assisted living facility.  While it is very nice of your sister to give up her job to take care of your mother, this will most likely not turn out well for your mother or sister.[/quote]

It depends on mom's needs.  OP has not said what the needs are but I would do everything possible to stay out of a facility.  My MIL is in what most would consider a "good" facility, and it is marginal at best.  I still spend a few days a week dealing with her needs and fighting them to get her basic needs met.  They insist we use their doctors who are horrible and neglectful.[/quote]

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