Reply to Economics of Dating a Divorced Man w/ 2 noncustodial kids

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[quote=Anonymous]
I am married a previously divorced man. He does not pay his ex alimony, but did provide child support and is now paying for college. Step-kids are 18 and 20, and we have 5 year old twins together. My salary does not go towards child support/college costs, but it definitely impacts our family budget and the choices we make for our whole family. I love my stepkids to pieces, and have no regrets about marrying a man with children at all, but there are a lot of things to consider before you jump into this. The combination of having step children and having a large family can be very challenging. Time and resources are limited, and it's hard to balance it all.

Some things I had not really considered when I was dating DH:

-we had to buy a house with enough room for a family of six, and within close proximity to older kids schools and their mother's house
-we have to have a car big enough to fit everyone
-we are taking a vacation with just the two five year olds this year for the first time because the college aged kids have a different spring break (don't worry, they are going on great vacations during their own spring breaks), and it's crazy how much cheaper/logistically easier it is to travel with only four of us
-having older kids/teens and babies/toddlers at the same time is HARD, especially for my husband who was extremely careful to continue spending a lot of time with the older kids, he didn't want them to lose out because we chose to have more kids. DH has limited time off, and if stepdaughter had a volleyball tournament, he would go to that (rightfully!) and I would be home with the babies, DH and stepkids went on several ski weekends away (as they had always done) etc. OF COURSE I support him spending time with kids, but it can be tough to balance and it's hard not to feel a tiny bit resentful when you are home with the little kids and he is off doing fun things with the older kids. It's gotten a lot better now that the twins are old enough to do fun things with, we have had a lot of great family adventures and trips, but it's hard to find things to that interest everybody.

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