Reply to If your spouse works all of the time how do you not become resentful?

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Reply to "If your spouse works all of the time how do you not become resentful?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am really struggling with this. My own husband has a side hobby which he happens to get paid for that started out as a few hours on Sundays to being gone almost all day/evening both Saturday and Sunday. The extra money helps us but it's not like we are paycheck to paycheck. I admire his work ethic and I know I logically shouldn't be angry at him for going above and beyond to provide (Im a SAHM) but I AM getting angry. Honestly I'm at the point where [b]part of me thinks he does it just to be out of the house.[/b]

We have an infant and since [b]he works full time during the week and is gone all weekend [/b]all of the parenting is on me. Add in that our baby is a really crappy sleeper and I am up multiple times at night and basically the sole caretaker 24/7. I am just worn so thin. I understand he has the stress of being the provider for the household and so technically it's my job to do take care of the baby but Im exhausted. And I just can't take being home by myself with the baby all of the time. [b]Especially weekends when I see my friends and other families spending time together.[/b] Mpm groups would probably just wear me out even more at this point. [b]DH and I haven't gone on a date since the baby was born 10 months ago [/b](we have gone out to eat with the baby twice) and I am just getting horrendously depressed and lonely. [b]I have expressed all of these feelings to no avail. [/b]I have cried, have gotten angry, have tried to compromise with only half weekends and [b]he still does whatever he wants[/b]. I'm becoming extremely resentful and detached.

How do I just accept this is my life now? I know some women who have husbands that travel a lot and maybe they can offer insight? It's just not how I envisioned family life at all.

[/quote]

None of this is okay.  If you both agreed that the money was necessary, then it would be stupid of you to complain that he was out earning it, unless you were willing and able to earn some yourself.  But it doesn't sound like you're the one pushing for him to earn more.  I would be insisting on counseling.  If that were not possible, I'd be hiring help and/or looking for a part-time job.  Because you need to get out of the house, you need some time with other people, you need something that gives you a break from being alone with your baby 24-7.  The people who say that they wouldn't complain if they never saw their husband because he was working to earn more money are just alien to me.  Like, would you actually not miss your husband?  Would you actually not care that he never saw his own child or helped care for her?  People don't get married because they want to be alone all the time.

My dad was offered a promotion at work that would have meant constant travel.  He turned it down (with my mom's full agreement) because he genuinely wanted to spend time with his family.  The extra money would have been great, sure, but it wasn't worth not seeing his wife and kids.  As a kid, I might have been upset when we couldn't afford something I wanted (we always had everything we needed).  But I also loved that my dad was home almost every night and weekend, that he went to our games and plays and events, that having dinner with us was something that he not only valued, but really enjoyed.  There's no amount of money that can replace the knowledge that your parents not only love you, but like you and value time with you.  [/quote]

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