Reply to Any moms out there walk away and give custody to dad?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you all very much. I was expecting a beating here and maybe sort of wanted to hear everyone's agreement of what a terrible person I am. I wasn't expecting the compassion. I read and re-read and then re-read all the replies, and I guess I'm so overwhelmed that I just didn't really identify myself as depressed. But I think you all have a point. I've called my doctor asking for a screening and alerting them that antidepressants may be in order, to get me through this time (just had the sudden loss of a parent as well). Thanks for spurring me on. I think for now I'll see how that goes and revisit it in a few months as one PP suggested. Thank you all. [/quote]

NP, and I'm glad to see this.

You may not have full fledged depression (a screening and therapy are still in order!), and you didn't post much about your relationship, but I could have written your post when my son was a baby. I was in an abusive relationship, and truly believed I was a bad mother. Luckily, my parents stepped in when he tried to get custody of my son (they paid for my lawyer, and my mom stayed with me during the initial proceedings), and I maintained custody. Had my ex not been abusive, I would have agreed to 50/50, I'm glad I didn't. I also worked with a great therapist who helped me so much - I wish I could find her now and tell her that. My ex was patient with our son, but it became clear after I moved out that it was all a show, he only does the fun stuff to this day, and has no concept of what parenting means. Parenting is hard work, it's fun, and it can be extremely frustrating.

Anyway, immediately after my ex moved out of our shared space my parenting became 100x better, and more fun. Mostly because I could finally relax in my own space, and wasn't under pressure to be the "perfect" mother, and the "perfect" girlfriend, and the "perfect" student.

Even if you decide not to have primary custody (which is OK), definitely maintain every other weekend plus an overnight per week parenting time. Your daughter does need you in her life - even though you aren't a perfect mom (no one is!). [/quote]

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