Reply to Breaking the Mommy Martyr Routine

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you sound reasonable here and I'm sure my DH would say some of the same things.  What does she say when you ask her (not when she's tired and crabby, but when she's feeling good)?

I'm not a SAHM but I do a lot more of the hands-on parenting than my DH does.  I would love to have a day or even a morning to myself.  But my kids give me a lot of grief and this compounds the guilt that I already feel for even wanting time away from them.

My guess is that it's not so much about being a martyr but maybe just feeling guilty.   Which is really, really hard for my DH to get but it's there for me a lot of the time.  [/quote]

She says she feels like the kids are her job.  Since she doesn't help me with my job, she feels guilty when I have to help her with her job on my day off (her words, not mine).  I don't get it, the kids aren't my job, I am a dad.

[/quote]

I think you need to acknowledge that the[b] kids are her job[/b], and she's doing a great job.  But like all jobs, it has to have reasonable hours.  You do not work at your job 24/7.  She should not be working as SAHM 24/7 either.  But,  the thing is that SAHM doesn't come with regular hours.  You and she have to sit down and talk about what her "hours" are and what her "tasks" are and what are "family hours" which you both have to divide and how you agree that should be spending "family hours" (which will change as kids grow).  Ask her what her long term goals are, both personal and professional.  What does she want to do with her "me time" -  work out more? take time to do activities that might allow her to slide back into the work force at some point?  pursue some other interests?[/quote]

stop with the "kids are job" crap. Its called parenting and no... it does not have "reasonable hours." She stays home in order for her to have time to parent... it is not a job. This whole stupid false equivalence to a "job" is simply so SAH's can argue that they have some economic value. [/quote]

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