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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My dad cut me out after my mom died and he began dating again (a few months after her death).  By the time I was in my mid twenties, we had almost no communication at all.  I learned about his wedding from a family friend who casually mentioned it to me.

[b]For years, I thought it was temporary and that the situation would resolve.  I spent a ton of money on therapy for myself, and spent far, far too much time hating myself because of the situation with my dad, and writing him long, heart-felt emails (at the advice of various friends and therapists, all of whom supported my delusion that my dad would eventually want me in his life again if I could just "try to understand what he's going through" long enough and wait) that he would either ignore[/b] or respond to in one or two sentences about the weather or similar, completely ignoring what I had written.

+1 he says ugly things about my attempts to reconcile.

[b]Recently, I have accepted that he really did choose this and wants nothing to do with me.  He is not angry with me: he just doesn't care about me[/b], and his priority is his current wife and her children.  He hasn't met his "blood" grandchildren because he just doesn't care, and he considers his wife's grandchildren, who I hear he dotes upon, his true family.

I'm 36, btw.  [b]My advice to people who have been cut off by family members is to try to find a way to accept their decision instead of trying to change their minds.  You can't control their decision, just how you choose to react to it.  It isn't worth beating yourself up and trying to figure out what went wrong because you will probably never know[/b].[/quote]

+1 I could have written this -- substitute brother for father and there you have it. We were so close growing up. One day his wife told him to end the relationship with me -- that was 30 years ago. We have spoken a few times over the years. 
I invited him to my wedding -- 10 years later. He made a big, ugly scene. He to this day insists that my DH, who he has never met, faked his professional credentials. He is always checking up on my DH. WTH? Pretty hard to fake credentials as DH is a public figure and they do check.
I called him when my father was in a near death accident, and again when my mother died. He feels free to be very verbally abusive. For example, he told me I killed my mother.
That hurt and I was 600 miles away at the time.
But there is no need to defend such craziness, although I patiently try, which is a complete waste of time. I think he has mental issues, or else he is just full of hate... for something that happened 30 years ago, I can't think what. The advice above is good advice. You cannot control some types of other people. They have made their decision and that is that.[/quote]

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