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[quote=Anonymous]OP, what do *you* want to serve as far as food goes? You talk about your family's expectations, but what about your own? Your IL and parent's opinion matter a lot, but not as much as what you and your future spouse want. You need to figure out what your ideal wedding ceremony and reception would be before you can move on to figuring out how to incorporate other people's expectations.  E.G. Your in-laws want Polish food. But what about you and your future husband? Does he even care? Maybe he care a lot? But maybe it makes no difference to him whether it's served at the reception or at a rehearsal dinner?

As far as the Chinese tradition of gifting, one option is to buy your own "gift" and ask your IL's to present it during the ceremony as a "symbolic gift." In my culture, we do something somewhat similar with arras (Spanish gold coins), and had DH's family member (Asian) present them to me as a "symbolic gift." She had fun.

DH and I started planning our wedding by making a list of all of the elements we wanted to including in our wedding (or would be expected to include), and then ranking them in order of desire. Then we made all of the major decisions before we spoke to our family. And when we were ready, we presented our plans as a united front (after it was too late to change them---i.e. deposits and purchases already made). Yeah, it made some family members feel a little left out, but they got over it. And many years later, they still bring up how much fun they had at our wedding.

I'm not saying to go full-on Bridezilla---you definitely need to establish a good relationship with your future IL's---but I am saying that at the end of the day, it's your wedding.[/quote]

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