Reply to The line between teen moodiness and depression

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 14yr old confident freshman who was the world's worst 13yr old ever.  My child was semi-introverted, very kid-like (loves to play) and played sports with boys a lot. Youngest in her class, one of the smartest in her class. She loved to read books for hours, play sports, and do engineering things: Robotics, legos, etc..  That was all a positive in elementary school and even in 6th grade EVERYONE was awkward so it was this "we are all in this together mentality" but by the middle of 7th grade and all of 8th grade, she lost her way.  She was losing interest in sports (due to confidence, not skill) and there wasn't a lot of outside "playing" going on anymore.  Physical activity was down, school pressure was up, sleep amount down, level of stress up, level of confidence down.  That all equals some mild depression.  It isn't something kids realize until it is kinda too late and the feelings are taking over.  Some girls were boy crazy, some were make-up hair crazy.  Some were so focused on school they didn't even care to have friends.  Some wanted to be the cool kids or the bad kids.  Others were addicted to social media.  My daughter just wanted to be a kid.  Honestly, she was lost.  Why can't everyone still be friends and have fun.  She felt like everyone was finding their way (when really no one was) and it made her doubt who she is.  She made mistakes with friends, did not like herself.  She started growing so fast during puberty she got some stretch marks on her inner thighs.  She was mentally ready for her period but not all the hormones and body changes no matter how much we talked about it and we had books on it.  I would look in her phone every few days (I always knew the passwords and she knew) and there were all these girls talking about cutting themselves, sticking their fingers down their throats, talking about how fat they feel, how dumb they are, etc...  It is shocking how bad girls feel about themselves and text and post crazy things on social media.  My daughter was just logging into with some girls that were in it for years.  It was a new horrible transition for her.   We had long talks and she was very open.  She wasn't sure why she felt this way, she was angry and moody a lot. Didn't like looking in the mirror.  Didn't like herself.  She did in fact cut herself very shallow one time and showed me.  It was very superficial and it was based on so many girls trying it she wanted to do it and see why the need was there for people.  Then she was so mad at herself for doing it.  She showed me and said  "Why am I like this?!?"  Tears.  I mean, it was a terrible terrible time.

We kept an extremely open dialogue and she transitioned to some new friends that were more positive for her.  I got her a bunch of books and we would text to each other if she was embarrassed to say anything face to face.  She was a counselor at an all girls camp for weeks in the summer and that did wonders.  Those girls thought she was the COOLEST girl in the world.  She loved legos, sports, science, etc...  It was amazing for her.  She reluctantly stayed on her travel team and then this summer had a great time with them.  She made a JV team in 9th grade and met so many high schoolers before setting foot into school.  They didn't have time for the little middle school whine and "pity me" parties and she loved it.  She found some great friends in multiple grades and she is doing very well.  She is reading for fun again, really getting into music and playing with her younger sisters again.  We didn't do anything drastic but kept a close eye on her and let her vent and NEVER said the cliche responses but always talked about overcoming things.  Working together and making the best of any situation.  That we would always love her no matter what mistakes she made.  And we both told her a lot of the mistakes we made.  We were failures too.  Many times over and over again.  We were unsure of ourselves.  We weren't good friends always either.  It really helped.  And she could take 1-2 "mental health" days a quarter.  She still can but hasn't used one yet this year.  She used them ALL last year.  A lot of one on one time is good.  Dad/Daughter bowling date.  Mom/Daughter dinner/movie etc...   Kids this age will talk so much more when there is only one parent as opposed to two.  They are outnumbered and feel it.  They clam up.   She went to her guidance counselor a few times a month to talk things over as well.  Otherwise we kept her out of any therapy as I thought she might have the mentality that she was "really messed up" if we had to take her to see a shrink.  I always left the door open and I always told her there is a change I may call if we lose communication or things get worse.  Not a threat but just a clear "I need you to be healthy at any cost" mentality.  But it never got that far and the differences a few months made, let a lone an entire year.  Night and Day.  Not saying it is the same for your daughter but just wanted to let you know our story.

The Teen Instant Help books really helped.  I recommend these for your daughter:

http://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Teens/dp/1608821870/ref=pd_sim_14_7?ie=UTF8&dpID=51zpQzTVFVL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR128%2C160_&refRID=1RV32G5PF6VTRQCHB4H8

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Mind-Into-Life-Teens/dp/1608821935/ref=pd_sim_14_6?ie=UTF8&dpID=51EmfghPq3L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR128%2C160_&refRID=1RV32G5PF6VTRQCHB4H8

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Your-Emotions-Life-Teens/dp/1572248831/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=0P02M4TQQGC7YJ92E6RP

Get her a good sex book too.  Not necessarily now but but soon.  That has everything and anything in it.  It makes a difference in stress, anxiety and not knowing "everything" when you hear and see things on the internet or social media.  It makes a girl much more confident.  Not to be promiscuous.  Just to know and be smart and proactive about your body in the future.  I recommend this one.

http://www.amazon.com/S-E-X-All-You-Need---Know-Progressive-Sexuality/dp/1600940102/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1455823569&sr=1-7&keywords=sex+ed

Good Luck!
[/quote]

Not the OP but really helpful information. It is rare to get that without all the judgement and jumping to drugs conclusion. I am definitely picking up a few of these books for my teen. [/quote]

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