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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you PP's.  I have definitely received great advice here and I am very greatful. Sometimes one needs a neutral party for advice esp when it comes to family. I am not sure they understand how much this puts stress on us. It is a close family so everyone is always visiting  each other. I am a little of an introvert so I don't visit them as often. Next time they visit without an invite I will just be like - Hello! Great to see you. I have some  stuff on the counter, and you could help yourself to drinks in the fridge." Haha[/quote]

OP, I like this approach you're considering. Do it.

If you like them otherwise and this is the one and only bugaboo, you're doing OK. Enjoy the positives about them and just let any comments about meals slide. They  are not thinking and probably would be appalled with themselves if they realized that you find their eating expectations excessive. It's great that the family is close and visits readily and happily so that's a good thing; it's just a matter of, for lack of a better word, retraining them on this [i]one[/i] thing.

You've inadvertently established an expectation in their minds that your family will pony up with a full meal, even if it's takeout, every time they come over. Now you can establish a new expectation--that you will have cold cuts and bread and paper plates out, and that's the deal at your house, every time. If they grouse, paste on a huge smile and say cheerily, "We're kind of over take-out, and we just ate before you got here, so feel free to help yourself as needed, as we're done with lunch/dinner ourselves." Then change the topic immediately: "How about that Jenny? Her recital was great, wasn't it?" And so on. You'll have to do this over and over and might endure some grumping from them until they realize that you really mean it; you're not ordering out or cooking any more.

It's just not at all about being hospitable, as others seem to think on this thread. It's about guests who are close and nice, but unthinking.

I wonder a bit, too, if the fact that you work from home makes some of them believe that you're free to drop whatever you're doing and be hostess. I think I might have some big-time "work deadlines" pop up a few times: "I'm sorry, but we'll need to say goodbye before 2:00 -- I have a phone call coming in then for work, and it's going to take at least an hour on the phone, and I have a report due online by 5:00." For me, that kind of statement would actually be true, and I couldn't have folks just come and roost for food and chatting without an ending time agreed upon. Does that make me inhospitable? No, it makes me employed! 
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