Reply to DH doesn't include me in decisions that affect us as a family

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you need more than advice on an anonymous board. You need to see a counselor with your husband who will help you get on the same page. I am guessing this is one of MANY issues between you and you guys have to figure out how to work together constructively, STAT.

Money, in-laws, sex, house-keeping, childcare, all of those are MAJOR conflict areas. No one in a marriage can act unilaterally like your DH is doing on ANY of those issues.

You need to insist on couples therapy, immediately, if you don't want your second marriage to end up like your first. Seriously, for your DH to do this is a major red flag about how he sees you and your marriage and how his life has changed (or in his eyes, has not changed). The needs of his brother do not trump all. He has other very serious obligations now and if he does not see that, that is trouble.

The two of you clearly have different expectations about fundamental issues (money, who stays in your house) and that is NOT GOOD. Such things should be worked out before marriage, but since they were not, you need to come to an understanding fast, with the help of a neutral third party who can help keep the emotions under control.

Your or his workplace may provide a few free sessions with a counselor as part of your benefits package and you should try that if money is an issue. Or ask for recommendations through DCUM. But GO. Get the counseling now. Too many people wait until their marriage is a wreck and resentments and anger have built up. You guys need to learn to work together now at the start of things. And I think it will help you because a third party is going to make it clear to him that the way he is acting is not OK, so it will not be just you saying that. Good luck. The start of a marriage is a negotiation process and it is new, but you've really got to set some boundaries and expectations and make it clear that they must be met. [/quote]

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