Reply to SIL was at the center of a major division in our family

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Reply to "SIL was at the center of a major division in our family - keeps speaking poorly of the other side"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Sorry to have posted then checked out. I posted in frustration after yet again having her bring up how awful and crazy my cousin is.

The poster who noted that my annoyance lies in SIL's persistence in complaining about how much the losing side of this fall out sucks - I'm not annoyed with her for calling out my relatives for their bad behavior, but I do think she could have handled it differently. She also wasn't entirely innocent. She took advantage of my relatives' hospitality and was rude to them. Sure, they were a weird bunch, but if she didn't like their dynamic, she should have thanked them for the hospitality and made other arrangements for herself. Instead, she stayed, made a stink about how dysfunctional it was, and expected everyone involved to thank her for her insights. My relatives' reaction was disproportionate. They were right to be put off, but they should have just kindly asked her to leave, rather than start WW3.

So, from my perspective, both parties were wrong. SIL was to some extent the instigator, but more so my brother is at fault for allowing his then girlfriend to walk into this situation, knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle it. But, of all the parties who were wrong - and there were many - my SIL was the lesser offender, plus she's my brother's wife, so she's closer to immediate family, so the rest of us have all defaulted into family celebrations with her, rather than the dysfunctional (but still lovable, IMO) relatives.

My beef with this whole situation is (1) this didn't need to happen (2) when it did happen, it could have been resolved more peacefully - by both sides (3) now that this all happened, not only do we have a fractured family, but we have to keep hearing about what a victim SIL was in all of this. For what it's worth, my relatives' version of the story all includes a strong victim-hood narrative - which I also find annoying, but I don't get to see them often enough to get as ticked off with them for it. I didn't want to take a side in any of this, I'm defaulted into a side, and I could just accept it and move on - but SIL keeps bringing this up, and lacks the insight to take any responsibility for it. So it's annoying - I'd be happier about being defaulted into this side if she had learned anything from it, but it's not clear that she has. [/quote]

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