Reply to My current boyfriend and his opinion about my ex husband

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[quote=Anonymous]This resonates with me for a number of reasons.

1. It's not really appropriate for your boyfriend to be increasingly upset absent an increase in shitty behavior from your ex. I generally think that a cordial coparenting relationship is really important for kids, and that is certainly something that my ex and I try to maintain as best we can. When my ex's wife moved in to his house, she really tightened the screws about access such that she flat out told him that I was no longer allowed in their house, at all - with the result that on the 2 occasions I've been there to pick up DD since she moved in, I have been left to wait on the porch. My solution to this was to simply do pick ups at a neutral location and make him facilitate that since it's his constraint that make the other thing impossible. My husband does not like my ex, but he recognizes that it's important for DD to see everyone getting along, and since we are grown ups, we swallow our resentment and get along. It's pretty much limited to being cordial at school events and birthday parties, though.

2. HOWEVER. Early in my relationship with my husband, he was more upset about my relationship with my ex because he believed that I allowed him to take advantage and also he thought that my emotional reactions to my ex's (predictable) advantage-taking were slightly less dispassionate than was optimal. I won't say that he felt threatened, but it was sort of in that ballpark. He would have been a lot happier if I didn't let my ex get to me, even if ex kept being a disrespectful asshole.

Things are better now a couple years in, but consider, OP, that your emotions may still be more enmeshed with your ex than you are aware and that your boyfriend may be picking up on that.[/quote]

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