Reply to Regret marrying into Racist Family

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Regret marrying into Racist Family"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hmmm...rants on racial purity, yuck.  What do you say when she does this? i would be PISSED. PISSED. And tell her never to talk like that again in your presence (or, kids, if you have them).

[/quote]

This is a good point. Do you have kids? If not, I would probably divorce. You can't ignore your ILs once you have kids, and they will influence your kids.

I really wish I had chosen a better father/family for my kids.[/quote]

Not yet. I am honestly scared to think of having kids with them involved. I know my dh would make a wonderful kind father. His parents are kind loving people but their hearts are closed off to the muslim world and anyone who is not white. I've heard them speak ill of mexicans, blacks are of course the worst and even asian people.

I worry about my children being exposed to these conversations at the dinner table. I worry my MIL will try to force them to go to church. DH and I have talked about raising them loosely muslim but immersed in christian/american tradition such as Christmas and Thanksgiving.
[/quote]

Okay, so this is not the same thing, but there are parallels. I am South Indian and dark skinned. My husband is north indian and light-skinned. His parents hated me spot on, from the beginning, because I didn't speak the right language or have the 'ideal' skin color. Whatever. Like you, when they said racist things (and they said it about South Indians, blacks, Hispanics, Asians, everyone - other than north Indians), I'd hold my tongue, never respond with anything but a blank stare, and change the subject. My DH would rant at them but it didn't change things (they just got careful not to say racist stuff in front of him, but they'd say offensive things to me when we were alone). Like you, I was terrified about what this would mean about my kids. Fast forward a decade. For whatever reason, my own two kids look like me, and speak my language fluently. They have taken on my culture (my food, the music I grew up with, my religious leanings) without me shoving it down their throat - I don't emphasize that they take it on. But I don't apologize for who I am and ignored whatever BS the in-laws had to say about it.

Point it - you're their mom. Believe it or not you 'trump' everyone else. Your beliefs - whether you love your heritage or shy away from it - is what they will be exposed to far more than whatever toxicity comes from their grandparents.  Mom and dad are the ocean, the rest of the world is just little raindrops. [/quote]

This. I get on well with my in-laws, but I have made an effort to have my children speak my language. I have no qualms about speaking to them in my language in front of my in-laws. I also do most of the cooking at home so they eat a lot of dishes from my culture.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics