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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You might have better results if you can talk your husband into getting counseling. Until he comes to terms with his childhood and his mom, accepting how things were and how things are now, he'll stay stuck where he is: longing for things to be magically "okay" with his mom, and depending on you to make it so. He probably likes that you're a fighter, but you can't fight his battles for him, and you shouldn't be cannon fodder either, taking the hits for him.[/quote]

NP here. I agree so much with this excellent post.

OP, I know you posted about whether you should see and be subjected to MIL (of course you should not) but what leaped out at me was when you said, and it was kind of lost in the middle of the post, that MIL has now convinced your husband that YOU want to be "catered to." You haven't detailed what that means -- and unlike some other "give us examples" PPs here I am not going to ask you to detail it, it's not really necessary for us to know. Just be aware that if she is influencing how he thinks about you, it's past time for you and him to do some couples counseling, so you can both put each other and your marriage ahead of either birth family (I believe you do that already but he's not putting you and your kids ahead of his past and present relationship with mom), and for him to get some therapy so he can start to admit to and deal with being in a basically abusive situation. I would not care at all what MIL thought, said or did--but I would be very concerned about whether she is influencing DH at all in his attitudes toward you. I really hope you can convince him to get therapy. Perhaps if you can get him into couples counseling where you're pulling alongside him, he might be more likely then to agree to individual therapy if the couples counselor suggests it--Just a thought for you.

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