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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you mean when you say he wants you to make nice?

Does he want you to be polite in her presence and not incite fights?  Does he want you to keep the peace and try to ignore her as much as you can?  Does he want you to try not to spin up ambiguous comments into major hassles and read something paranoid  into what she's saying?  Does he want you to spend a couple of hours on major holidays so she can see grandkids and have a family day?  Does he want you to, essentially, be a grown up so he can have a relationship with his own mother?  Then yes, you should make nice.

Does he want you to grovel and give in when she has a complaint every time and service her needs and be the butt of her jokes and not stand up to her when she makes open and obvious nasty remarks?  To spend extended visits with her and leave you one on one with her?  Then no, you don't need to make nice.

Which is it, OP?[/quote]

This.  It's fair and reasonable to ask you to be polite, to not start fights, to ignore what you can, and to suck it up in group settings.  It's not fair or reasonable to ask you to be insulted repeatedly and just sit there and take it.  I'd tell my husband that I'm willing to make nice for X number of visits a year, but that if she crosses the line into open insults, I'm going to get up and walk away.  I would agree not to respond, but [b]I would not agree to sit there and take it. [/b] [/quote]

I wonder how many of the "sit there and shut up" respondents are evil, antagonistic, bitter MILs who are just looking for a target.  Dh was her target for years, now Mil is looking for a new one, and its *not* me. [/quote]

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