Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
4) Why do you keep expending all this effort for free if nobody is offering to pay you?  What are you getting out of it that makes you keep coming back again and again?

I mean, I'm a guy, and I have a pickup truck and I used to have that thing where every single friend who needs something moved calls me up, over and over, but they never offer to pay me for my moving services.  I mean: I've got a life too...and I don't want to spend every weekend doing heavy lifting or loaning out my vehicle.  Yes, sure, I'm pretty strong physically, have a good back, so I'm just naturally "built" for this kind of work, plus, hey, I've got a pickup.  Why do people assume that I want to move stuff for free?  Well...because they are my friends, and they need favors.  They are going to ask.  And the thing is, I just have to say, "gee, I'm sorry, but I'm already committed".

The fact that the author doesn't seem to be able to say no to all these Emotional Leeches who chain her to the grindstone of the Patriarchy and extort Emotional Labor out of her, when she's pretty clearly drained by it, says to me, she gets something out of it.  Kind of the way Nice Guys(TM) like to get something (a date of sorts?) out of providing free moving labor for Hot Women they lust after (and then bitch endlessly when the transactional hookup doesn't occur).[/quote]

Oh, I guess there is a 5th option I forgot about:

5) Do you have appropriate boundaries? You sound like you need to take a dose of MYOB and give yourself an emotional rest.

If this person was in my life, I think I'd tend to pull away, because frankly, I'm not sure I actually want someone investing that much emotional energy in me when I'm not actively reciprocating it.  [/quote]

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