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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a stillbirth earlier this year. Losing a child is a horrible kind of hell...

1) be kind to your spouse. You both will grieve in your own ways. Tell each other what you need-don't get mad when they can't read your mind. Or get mad if he doesn't seem sad enough. I got super sad and grieved hard for weeks/months. DH seemed to have a wave or two of grief then moved on. Turns out, almost a year later, his grief seeps out in small bursts at random times over weird thing. We supported and loved each other's way of grieving.

2) hold her, if you can. My biggest regret is not holding my son for as long as I needed. When I gave birth, he was already dead. I held him for 10-15 mins. Then I was worried that I was being weird holding a dead body, so I let him go. Didn't realize how much my arm would ache to hold him. I should given myself permission to hold his dead little body for 3 days, if I needed to. Once their body is taken away, it's gone forever...

3) don't pick a funeral home or burial site you will drive past regularly. Just when you are over the worst part, you will drive past it and burst into tears and the pain will be fresh all over again.

4) don't feel like you have to sprinkle her ashes right away. I kept my son's urn on the couch with me for many months. Then moved him to the side table. Finally, a week ago, he is on the bookshelf. I'm hoping in time, I will be able to sprinkle his ashes in our garden.

5) if you are using a urn- i felt weird with the idea of having an empty urn around the house (after I sprinkled the ashes). So I found an urn that turns into a birdhouse. I like knowing that once his ashes are sprinkled, I can look out and see his urn being used by birds.

6) there is wonderful ashes jewelry. I found a glassblower online, that took a little bit of his ashes and created a beautiful pendant. I wear it all the time and makes me feel closer to him and that I'll never forget him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just know that at some point you will come out of the worst of it. You will never really 100% get over it. It will always be a part of you. And at some point, you will learn how to live with the New Normal. [/quote]

NP here.  This is so, so beautiful.  Thank you for sharing this.  I didn't even know items like these last two things you mentioned existed, and makes me feel better just to know things like that exist.  [/quote]

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