Reply to Petty yes, but I'm still bothered

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've been married for 12 years. I've been great friends with my MIL for many of those years.  We recently had some issues come to a head--issues that I have tried to talk about over the past few years.  What I've learned through this is, regardless of the friendship, I'm not her daughter and she's not my mother. Since I've accepted this, I'm much more relaxed about our overall relationship.

I guess I'm sharing this with you because of your "keeping score" comments.  Maybe readjusting your expectations regarding the overall relationship (not just gift exchanges) would be helpful?[/quote]

Would you mind sharing more with me? I do treat my MIL like a mother. You really hit the nail on the head.[/quote]

sure. what do you want to know? [/quote]

Thank you!
Are you close to your own Mom? 
Have you ever gotten too close and regret it? (Forgot she wasn't your own mom)
Did you maintain a closeness to her after talking over the issues? If not, how did you change the relationship without it being so glaring?
I do believe I have an unhealthy relationship with My MIL, aside from the gift giving issue, I have known for some time that I need to back off a bit on my relationship with her.[/quote]

I am close with my own mom but my mom lives farther away, so my MIL is more local support.

Yes.  To some degree.  She discusses a lot of family business with me and we've discussed issues regarding my SIL (DH's sister).  I regret the latter and try to steer conversations away from my SIL.

Yes, I think we are still close but the relationship is different. The change is probably pretty obvious but it's better for me and my family and my DH's family, so I'm ok with any hurt feelings.  Also, I'm not being malicious or nasty about it, so I have a clear conscience.    The biggest aspect that has changed is I'm no longer her sounding board for issues going on in the family (immediate and extended).  I guess I also don't confide in her about things going on in my own life.

[/quote]

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