Reply to Petty yes, but I'm still bothered

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The throw might be worth more or about the same as SILs gifts. I'd prefer a throw -- but I'm probably not normal. Was it really ugly or not your style?  [/quote]

It isn't. It's a really cheap one. Totally not me, and she knows it. By the way, this is the second blanket I've received from her. A few years back she bought SIL a Ralph Lauren sweater and I received a fleece blanket. I was so confused then and a bit upset. [b]I always thought that she should gift is equally as she does her own children.[/b] Even if the shoe was on the other foot I would feel awkward. I think it's just a recipe for disaster.[/quote]

I'm beginning to see why there might be friction with your MIL. OP: I think you are keeping score too much here and inserting your expectations where they don't belong.[/quote]

I do keep score, this is true. But she would never know it. I have never once had a conversation with her about this. I do have certain expectations for inlaw relationships. I think she should treat us as she would her own children (in the sense, I would never buy one kid a car and the other a bike, if they both were of the legal age to drive, if I did this, one would feel as if I'm favoring the other)[/quote]

You're wrong about this though, frankly. You are not her kid. She has known her child 25 yrs+ longer than you -- that relationship is and should be stronger.

And since you do seem to be coming here with an open mind and want honest opinions, let me share mine: you are being unreasonable in your gift giving expectations. You are assuming that everyone approaches gift giving the same way you do, which they do not, and then you are judging them when they don't live up to your expectations. Not fair. Not healthy. [/quote]

Thanks. I didn't explain that well. I don't exact her to treat is as she would her own children, as I agree, that bind is much stronger. But as for the relationship, I think it's wrong for her to not treat all of her daughter in laws equally at Christmas as she does her own kids. If she buys one DIL a scarf, it would seem unreasonable to buy the other diamond earrings in my opinion. [/quote]

Okay, makes more sense, but it goes back to... you are keeping score too carefully. Keeping score isn't healthy. Maybe she does think she treats you all equally but is thinking more about the long game than the short game. Maybe last holiday your presents were nicer? Maybe she knows your SIL is struggling more financially and can't get nice stuff herself? Maybe she saw cute things that reminded her of SIL and just didn't see as much that struck her fancy for you? Maybe she understands your SIL's tastes better? So many different things that could be going on here. Sending you subtle messages that she's pissed at you seems pretty unlikely, but if that's your concern, again -- why can't you talk to her about the relationship and whatever happened that you think might have upset her?[/quote]

Thanks. It is just speculation on my part. I can't say what her reasons are. Unfortunately, I can't talk to her. My husband's family never ever talks about anything. If I initiate a conversation it will only end up in a lot of hurt and a lot of arguing. I would rather speculate and vent on a board for answers than go up against her over what she may or may not be mad about. I have read this saying before on here. "This is not a hill I want to die on". In the end, talking about it will probably do more harm than good. [/quote]

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