Reply to Mother interfering with Christmas Day visit of another relative. Help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My elderly mother plans to ask Relative A to drive her to see Relative B on Christmas Day. Relative A is here in the area Christmas Day only. Relative B lives in a nursing home about 2 hours away. My mother sees Relative B once or twice a week. Relative B is unpleasant and was violent to me and a sibling when were children. No one wants to go visit Relative A on any day but my mother. Sometimes we suck it up as a corporal work of mercy, but I have been physically ill and a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day to see a verbally unpleasant and formally physically abusive relative is not going to put me in the emotional shape my DC need right now. Relative A will not be alone for Christmas. This is a high end nursing facility. They bring in entertainment. There is a fine, catered meal. Relative A has made friends (to whom I suspect much more respect is given than any family member.)

In addition, I think it is very unfair to ask incredibly kind Relative A for a 5 hour chunk of Christmas Day. Relative A has a degree program, a demanding work position, and deserves a relaxing day off. Plus, this is the family's only chance to see Relative A for about 6 months. Relative A "owes" my mother a lot and won't say no. I told my mother she was being inconsiderate to Relative A and others. I suggested she go see Relative B on Christmas Day. She says Relative B "deserves" Christmas Day and insists Relative A is the correct person to ask because Relative B babysat Relative A's mother as a small child!

I am done with my mother. Right now I want to disinvite her from Christmas. I won't because I know that is unChristian and my kids would be devastated. However, I feel like I will be angry seeing her sit in her coat on my sofa impatiently waiting for Relative A to finish eating and drive her to the nursing home. I feel guilty for offering to host Relative B instead of sending two states further away to immediate family, but I didn't know until last night that my mother had this plan. It's too late to divert Relative B.

What can I do?

[/quote] Nothing. Absolutely nothing.  If your relative doesn't want to drive your mother then she can say so.  Presumably you are all adults, but some of you (are you listening op) are not acting like it.[/quote]

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