Reply to Will likely have to serve ex w/custody papers. Help me stay calm.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a little unclear to me what you hope to gain. If it's the ability to make decisions, how is that being constrained right now? If he does not agree to you having sole legal custody, he can probably get joint and then you could end up with a court order requiring you to consult and agree on all major decisions.

If it's certainty about the future when a new wife comes along, that's not a given either. It's not uncommon for a re-married dad and stepmom to seek to change an existing arrangement.

If it's naming a guardian - short of terminating his parental rights, if something happens to you the default would be that he gets custody, and a custody agreement probably would not change that.

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OP here. My goal is preservation of my emotional health as I raise my daughter. As many of you know, raising a child 100% on your own, with no co-parent or family in the area, is not only physically taxing. It's a huge emotional stress. Now, I love my life with my child. And I have a great friend network and supportive parents who fly up here more than I could ever ask for. But part of internal security (at least for me) is knowing that plans are in place for "what if" scenarios. This is why I have life insurance. Renter's insurance. Etc. I hope I never have to use them. Statistically, I probably won't. But not having a plan B isn't how I like to live.

A court may grant joint custody. It's possible. It's hard to imagine they'd grant it to someone who lives overseas, doesn't plan on moving back anytime soon, and has never paid CS, but sure, they might. I'm not even sure it'd be the worst thing in the world. After all, I never plan on cutting him out of her life. And if he became more connected with her? Well that certainly wouldn't be a bad thing.

But remember this is a guy who adamently doesn't want to pay CS. Like, really doesn't want to (I'm pretty disgusted with that part, but I think he has deep-seated issues and the money isn't worth it to me, so I've let it go). [b]Joint custody means he's all of a sudden on the hook for CS.[/b] I can't refuse it or waive it. It's not my money to decline. So when push comes to shove, I have a hard time imagining he'll go for joint, likely (and sadly) for this reason alone.

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I don't see how he can avoid paying CS if you file. If you get sole legal custody, he will still be ordered to pay CS. I think the only way out of CS is to terminate parental rights. So if you file and he is ordered to pay CS, think about how he will react. 
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