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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]So, you wash dishes and vacuum. Who is scrubbing the toilets, doing the grocery shopping, changing the sheets, mopping the floors, etc. Since you mentioned a lack of disposable income as the reason for not making time for your relationship, I assume you don't have a cleaning service for all of that.[/quote]

If getting a baby sitter regularly is expensive for them, then I think you assume right that they don't have cleaning service. How does this help him though? Who cares about toilets. He's watching porn, she's eating ice cream.[/quote]

It's not the toilets. She's got time for ice cream, Facebook, and TV but not sex? She might say it's the toilets, but OP washed them, then she'd claim something else was holding her back. The goal posts will keep moving until she's attracted to you. If she was attracted, the toilets wouldn't matter. If she's unattracted, there aren't enough chores in the world you could do. [/quote]

Maybe after she's spent most of the weekend cleaning the house and taking care of kids, and then has worked a full day, come home and done an evening of chores, she just wants some time to herself where no one has any expectations of her or is making demands. Not to mention that if you're overworked and overtired while watching your husband hang out on the couch while you mop the kitchen floor, that's not really helping the depression that's probably underlying the eating and weight gain. OP seems like yet another one of those DCUM spouses who just wants more sex to happen without considering what else might be underlying it, what their role might be, and what could improve the situation. It wouldn't surprise me at all if OP's wife is depressed (which can really kill your sex drive), in which case OP should be stepping up and trying to help rather than just sitting back and waiting for a bj because he loaded the dishwasher.[/quote]

Makes sense. But there's never a point where a spouse has done enough. What percentage of the total family responsibilities does a spouse have to shoulder before there's a consensus, "yup, you've done enough. This is on your spouse." [/quote]

It is untrue that there's never a point where a spouse has done enough. That is true for some people (including, apparently, you) who will take as much as they can get from the other person and have no inherent sense of fairness or consideration of their spouse's needs/wants as equal to their own. But here's a rough place to start -- if there's a significant portion of non-work time where you are relaxing and your spouse is doing housework, and the reverse is rarely true, you're not doing enough. But even then, you can't expect it to be completely balanced all of the time. People's needs shift all the time, and sometimes you'll be doing more than half, sometimes less. In this particular case, if OP's wife is depressed and out of shape, and her self-esteem has tanked as a result, OP may need to pick up more of the household stuff for a while to free up his wife to get more exercise and other self-care (e.g., time to plan healthier meals, time to see a therapist) so that she can feel better and be more engaged. As she's feeling better, they can balance out the work load a bit more.[/quote]

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