Reply to Will likely have to serve ex w/custody papers. Help me stay calm.

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[quote=Anonymous]
I am in a situation like the one you describe with a man I married between children. We were only married a few months. It changed nothing and we didn't have a wedding with that in mind. Anyway, I have full legal and physical custody and I just wanted to share that I don't believe I've ever had to pull out any of the paperwork to get anything done. Ever.

Maybe he signed the passport application, but I'm really not sure if he's even had to do that. I think I bothered with a letter regarding international travel but have never once used it and couldn't even tell you where it is right now. I leave the "second parent" spot empty on any given form and make my own decisions regarding the children.

If I were you, I'd couch this in his decision to move abroad and ask that he sign something that allows you to do whatever you need to, but honestly, it sounds as if his own disinterest has already left you to do your own thing and it's only your efforts to include him that have complicated your situation. I'd be concerned about death benefits while he's abroad and things like that, not whether you're entitled to pierce her ears or whatnot.

If you decide to move out of the city while DC's still a minor, you will have years of evidence of his enduring disinterest to provide the Court should you need to then. You are raising the child on your own----providing everything, caring solely, and making daily decisions.

I'm not sure what this would change, but go for it, if that's what you want. I would encourage you to simply present him with something when he sees DC for the holidays. You're in no way obligated to maintain his whole "keeping it out of the courts" approach. If he doesn't sign the agreement, file. From what you've written, it really doesn't seem as if he's going to have any say in the matter.

Once he's gone, please let him go. You say the ship has sailed on him being a good father. Well, the time has also passed when you need to keep him updated and encourage a relationship. I say this as a BTDT sister to you. I hope that gaining full custody and working out your guardianship arrangement brings you peace. Let this be over.
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