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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Last Poster - I do hope that you and DH make the time at least to be sure that SIL and BIL get away on a reasonable amount of vacation time together an/or to see their children with peace-of-mind that one or both or you are physically around to see that any care set up in-home or elsewhere is carried out and to be the "on call" person should there be an emergency.  If there are other siblings, this should be something that is rotated so that the one sibling is not taken advantage of.  It is not always about money.[/quote]

Hi, I'm the poster you mentioned. SIL and BIL do not live with my inlaws, they live near by. BIL does not do anything, he's even less involved than us. They are pretty bad people, my inlaws, and most people have abandoned them. At any rate, we (husband and I) give enough money so that the inlaws can have a paid caregiver 10 hours/day in their home. SIL does not contribute any money, but manages logistics, and visits three times a week, mainly without her husband who is understandably disinterested. We've told her she can put them in a nursing home if she wants, but she doesn't want to, but she also doesn't have decades of physical/verbal abuse to look back on.  We visit them every 3 months for a weekend. If SIL/BIl want to get away, we pay for the inlaws to temporarily go to a nursing home. We feel no guilt. We also don't think we 'owe' anything to the SIL. She chooses to take on this role - we didn't ask her to. We help in the capacity we can by trying to pay CNAs so that her free time is preserved as much as possible. [/quote]

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