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[quote=Anonymous]This has been an interesting thread to me. My grandmother was not a nice or good person...I don't know if she was truly narcissistic or abusive, but she was close. My uncle (older than my dad by 8 years) left town as soon as he went to college and never came back. My dad stayed in town and bore the brunt of my grandmother's words and actions throughout his life.

Fast forward to when my gram lived alone with dementia. My parents tried to get her evaluated/some help but it was difficult not only because of her personality but because of laws. Finally my gram punched her hand through a window (thinking people were coming in) and my dad had her taken to the hospital, evaluated, then moved to a home where she got treatment.

Again, my uncle was no where to be seen through all of this. My parents packed up the house of a borderline hoarder alone (I helped when I could). Uncle came once to visit gram in the home.

I've always resented uncle for not helping my dad at all during this time. My dad had to deal with everything: health issues, house issues, the police (gram was always calling the cops for no reason). Reading this thread, maybe my uncle suffered some kind of abuse from my grandmother, and I could understand then why he wanted very little to do with her.

So I'd recommend, see if there is another way you can offer help without getting directly involved with your mother. I'm sure my dad would've appreciated a phone call every once in a while. Money would've been very helpful as well. My dad got no support from my uncle. Him and my mom dealt with it all and TBH that still makes me angry (which is on me I know).

Good luck.[/quote]

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