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[quote=Anonymous]What exactly do they want you to do?

Just be clear on what you will and will not do. Say, "I understand it's a lot to deal with. I do want to help. However, there are certain things I cannot do. I will not provide personal care or come take care of mom for weeks. I know you need a break and I'll be happy to help you find a helper to hire if you need to get away, but I cannot do that role myself."

You don't have to explain yourself or say why you won't do it. Don't get into arguments about whether your mother was a "good mother" or what is owed to her or whatever. This will just lead to pointless fighting since they have their own feelings on that. Simply keep repeating that you cannot do whatever it is that they want you to do. If they say they are being overwhelmed, say that "I know it is extremely difficult. That is why I suggested mom go into assisted living or home care. I do want to help you. Here is what I can do....can you think of some other way I can help?" If they say the only way you can help is to come out and provide hands on care, say "I cannot do that."

Do not listen to people who say "she is dying so the time to be mad is over." You did not "dump this on your siblings."

Keep your boundaries and try to help in all the ways you can while still maintaining your own sanity. Keep your eyes open and do not be swayed from the path you know is right. [/quote]

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