Reply to Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP:

Your husband is uncomfortable accepting what he considers to be charity from someone who is basically a stranger to him.

Conversely, the new brother in law is attempting to dominate the entire family with this "gift."  Gifts like this from people like that do not come without strings.

Do you see how very easily your loyalty to your own husband is so easily torn by a gift worth a few thousand or perhaps ten or fifteen thousand dollars?  Maybe a bit more depending upon how many children you have.

The rich brother in law "wins" either way in the dominance war based on your reaction, whether you go or not.  Either you go--accepting his charity, allowing him to dominate your husband financially--or you stay home, but grudgingly, and forever you will bring this up or hold it in your mind against your husband that he deprived you of your wonderful vacation.

What you should do is stay home this year, celebrate Christmas at your home, with your husband and family, without resentment at anyone except the new brother in law for believing he could put you at odds with your husband over his "generous gift."[/quote]

+1[/quote]

I really don't see it this way.  This whole thing came about because the family was having trouble deciding how and where to spend Christmas together because nobody lives in the same area and the family is so scattered.  This is just a really ungenerous interpretation of BIL's motives.  Also, I think you would have more empathy for his gift if you were the richer person in a friend or family relationship who wanted to treat people sometimes.  It is totally possible to want to treat your family or friends to something nice without meaning to lord your generosity over everyone.  (And since I just spent a holiday at a beachhouse for free as a treat from my family, I have been on both ends of this and IT HAS NOT BEEN A PROBLEM from either side.  You're just making it that way.)

The proper thing to do in this situation, in order to improve everyone's experience and not be a freeloader, is to pay for some experiences or meals during the trip, so you too are improving everyone's experience but you're not giving cash outright to the host.  And then you are also a benefactor.  It's not that hard.[/quote]

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