Reply to Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Help me out with this- new Christmas dilemma"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a big family, most years all of us get together for Christmas even though we are now all scattered. It gets harder when we all got married and have kids but somehow we normally make it work. My sister remarried two years ago to by all accounts an amazing man, on top of which he is extraordinarily wealthy.

As we have all been hemming and hawing over whose house we would go to this year (brother wanted to do it but lives in Atlanta) Sister up north and other sister about 3 hours away. Parents in MD. Two nights ago we had dinner as a family to celebrate my dads birthday and my new brother in law said he had an announcement. He then invited the entire clan (all 19 of us) on a paid trip to Hawaii for Christmas. Saying that this way everyone gets a break, there are no more dilemmas, etc....and that it could be a really fun trip. He said his company had a very good year and that this is their Christmas gift to our family.

Of course the teens in the family off the bat were so excited (me too). Eventually everyone at dinner was getting excited at the prospect of this last minute but really awesome Christmas present. We take nice trips twice a year or so but I  know not on the scale that he is used to traveling. HOWEVER my husband once we got home said he refused to go. He is a very proud man and said he will not go with is trip being paid for. He is the only one being a total  stick in the mud and I am livid. Why cant he just go with the flow and be a good sport? So we have been arguing the last 3 days over, I can barely talk to him because I think hes being a jerk.

Am I being unreasonable? Is he? If you were me what would you seriously? My kids are upset, meanwhile they are finalizing tickets, details for the trip as we speak.I have not yet told my sister that my H is being stubborn and refusing to go. I will be seeing her today at an event and not sure if I should say anything. I would never leave my husband over Christmas but I think us not going will create a family wedge and a lot of tension. Don't know what to do.
[/quote]

Okay. I will just say it. Your BIL is not being "generous." He is showing off and making a power play. As a newcomer to the family it is entirely inappropriate to assert himself this way. This is just way over the top. I'm sorry. I realize I am making a harsh judgement here but i was once married to someone like this - I have an extreme opinion based on my own experience. So yes I'm projecting a little bit.

That said, if the entire family is going on the trip it totally sucks for you to miss it!! So here is the plan OP. Talk to your DH about this and have an honest discussion about the BIL. I have a feeling your DH feels threatened in some way or just finds the gift to be TOO MUCH. So what you do is AGREE with him about his feelings. 
And then point out that unfortunately the family is gathering in Hawaii for Christmas so you need to coordinate your flight plans. The two of you take everyone to dinner one night. Thank BIL for the airfare 
 OR pay your own airfare and just quietly explain to your sister that it has to be this way. The important thing is for the family to be together for the holiday. BIL won't be insulted and if he is then too bad! He will live. You have to convince your husband that the pros outweigh the cons here because they DO.  Beg, cry, negotiate - whatever it takes. It really is for the good of the family.  
Please let us know the outcome!!! 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics