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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who makes the plans in your family?  In my family, I make the plans.  I find my MIL annoying.  She is nowhere near as offensive as your in-laws, but I simply don't plan to see her and we don't.  My husband is welcome to plan to see her, but he doesn't.  We live 45 minutes away from her.  We could see her once a week.  We do not because I don't make plans to see her.  We see her at holidays and that is about it.  She was less than open about my religion.  Even exclaiming in alarm, "You aren't going to get married at (my house of worship) are you?!"  When she found out that her only grandchild would be going to a religious school, she asked when our child would learn about "our" (her) religion.  My response, "that is up to your son to teach her 'his' religion."  Never happened.

So my suggestion is to simply stop making plans to see them.  It works best if you peel back slowly.  Immediately start alternating holidays.  Thanksgiving with them one year and yours the next.  Since you aren't Christian, I suggest one year with them and one year a vacation with your nuclear family.  If you have to travel there, arrive on Thanksgiving day and leave on Friday.  "The airfare prices are best."  Then it will be two years before the next holiday.  Within 2 cycles you can say, "It is so expensive to go at Thanksgiving and we can save money and stay longer if we go in the summer or something."  And then never follow through.  For Christmas when you are with them, rent a car and plan something out of the house every single day.  Movies, museum, bounce houses, anything.  Follow a schedule.  Up, breakfast, everyone outside to a park or play ground, lunch, nap, afternoon outing, dinner, bath, bed.  Switch off the morning and afternoon activity so as not to look too obvious.  Do an outing in the morning, do lunch, naps, and then playground or park in the afternoon.  If anyone gripes about it, smile and say, "we'd love you to join us."  They won't.

Or leave it *entirely* to your husband.  "Honey, I know it is your family's year for Thanksgiving.  We can leave anytime 5pm or later on Wed and have to be back by bedtime on Sunday.  Let me know when you book our flights.  We need to keep the RT airfare below $200pp in order to stay on budget."  And then say *nothing*.  Nothing.  Not a peep.  [/quote]

This sounds like it was spoken like a DW who has been there, done that!  I think this should be a "sticky".  Tried and true advise![/quote]

Yup, this is exactly what we do as well.  [/quote]

Not OP, but we have started to do this too but I am still so hurt by the fact that my MIL isn't kind to me and does more for her other grandkids than for my daughter.  As a result, my dd sees her grandparents less and loses out on that (they are good to her when they see her, just insulting to me which I won't tolerate).  I longed for a warm loving extended family and it is hard to accept that we'll never have that.[/quote]

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