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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.

He's already flat-out refused any type of counseling.  He says it never works.  I'm just sad that this is what we've become.

I don't want to oust myself more than I probably already have by revealing my religion and ethnicity.  Let's just say it's not Christian and that my family didn't come over on the Mayflower.

I want to make this work but his anger and resentment towards me for just being sad about how they view me is strange to me and seems pretty unfair.  Of course they're entitled to their opinions, but you'd think my husband would share in my incredulity.  My guess is that he's, indeed, becoming more conservative in his views and I need to decide whether two people on opposite ends of the socio-political spectrum can coexist in the same household when one partner was raised to fear and hate the other.    [/quote]

Been through this.

The problem is ALL with your husband. You are never going to change his family and their views or religious beliefs. That's a given. They will never accept you. Your husband has to make a choice between you and them with their views. If he chooses you, he'll have to reject a number of things about them and stand up for you every time. He'll have to be strong enough to take on whatever shame and rejection and criticism they pile on him.

The trouble is, he isn't choosing you. He's identifying with them, which puts you on the outside. He sounds like a scared little boy, running back to what's familiar, looking for approval and safety. Prepare yourself for things to get worse and worse. There are probably multiple issues and unhealthy dynamics in the family, because it's not typically strong, emotionally healthy people who are drawn to religious extremism with fear and hate of others.

He can't grow up and stand up for himself or figure out what he truly believes in or thinks right. He's dumping all the blame for that on you. He doesn't have your back. It's outrageous that he takes their side regarding their treatment and bigoted view of you. Do not accept this. As I said, in my experience, it will get worse and worse. [/quote]

This is exactly correct. DH needs to make a choice. And if he chooses them, divorce sounds like the best solution. [/quote]

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