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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This post could have had so many titles as there are so many issues...here it goes.  I guess we have the typical story of everything being wonderful in the beginning. We would travel and were really best friends. He was a teacher and worked his way up to administration. Then we suffered a late pregnancy loss, some mild IF, and then had kids back to back. We always said we wanted three kids but DH found out he was laid off from his job of 7 years shortly after we brought our second baby home from the hospital. We made about the same salary at the time so that was a 50% cut. That was almost three years ago...... The first year he kept thinking he would get something and when I went back to work, both of the kids were in daycare. He tried to get part time jobs but Target, FedEx, Best Buy etc., would not even call him back. One manager asked why was a guy with two advanced degrees even applying at his store.  Times were really hard back then.  For the past two years he has been very underemployed working as a bartender (he did that in college as well).  Every few months we have the argument about him finding a job and he claims that he is looking but hasn't gotten any offers. He has been on a few interviews but nothing pans out. I am worried that he is going to stick with the 'safe' option of working in a bar forever. He has finally agreed to get current teaching certificates so that he can hopefully go back in the class. The problem is that whenever I try to ask how things are going, we get into an argument. I have so much resentment from the last few years I am contemplating leaving but then of course think of my kids and push leaving to the back.

He does pick the kids up from school/pre-school and is a good Dad. He loves the kids and of course they love him. He is a horrible 'home maker' in that usually, the house is a wreck when I get home. No, I don't think it should be spotless but it is so frustrating to come home from a long day, take second shift with the kids, and still have to go clean the dishes before I can make dinner! I know he has pride issue and I have tried to be sensitive to how hard it is for him but at this point, I am over it. Nobody considers how hard the past few years have been on me and I feel like I am always accommodating him. His schedule means I am alone almost every night with the kids and every weekend while he is at work. It is no surprise that in order to make good tips, you need to be out at night. I am lonely and tired of being home all the time. I can never go out with friends let alone us have a date night. I guess I am just wondering if there is a way back for us? In my heart, I do love him and want our family to stay together so I guess I need some suggestions on how to reframe my thinking. We have no connection anymore. I just feel so angry and resentful all of the time that he is not home, that I have no life, that we work so much and are still just getting by, etc. Since I'm totally exposing myself, I also am angry that I didn't get a chance to have my last baby because he doesn't have a job. Our anniversary is this weekend and yep, he will be at work!

Please be kind DCUM. I am sure there will be plenty of people telling me to suck it up and stop being a baby etc. I have lost a lot of respect for him over the past few years as I don't think he has done everything he could to get another job and help out at him. How do I move past that? No, he will not go to counseling. He says he loves me and wants our family to stay together...[/quote]  
at least you see him everyday, even for few hours. My situation is worse[/quote]

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