Reply to If you cut off or are estranged from a family member, what was the final straw? Turning point?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I read through four years of emails from my brother and realized that during all that time he'd not written a single word of support or encouragement to me. All his emails were derisive or sneering, denigrating or downright abusive! Who needs such toxicity? Not me. I stopped contacting him, and of course, he's never so much as sent me an email since then. It's been five years, and it hurts not to see him, but not as much as it did when I did see him. Sometimes you have to let go of a person you love when that person hurts you too much. [/quote]

Do we have the same brother??

I kept a relationship with my brother for a long time, because I had the importance of "family" drilled into my head. But I learned a few years ago, that "family" doesn't mean a green light to criticize, demean, judge, pressure, nitpick, all the time, about everything, forever.

I have a great relationship with my sisters, thankfully. I like them not because we're "family" but because they're decent, nice, funny people aside from being related. I've come to accept that it's ok to not like my brother. I really, really don't like him as a person. Even with things outside of our (now nonexistent) relationship.

There have been other things that caused me to lose a tremendous amount of respect for him. At this point I honestly don't know if I love him, outside of the dislike. To "love" someone to me means that I value and respect them. I wish I had a brother that was kind, reliable, honest, and not relentlessly manipulative. I would want nothing more. But that person doesn't exist. It's a figment I held on to for a long time. I miss the idea of my brother. I don't miss the reality of him. [/quote]

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