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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To clarify, the time share in Colorado is ours (we want it - though of course sometimes our children and extended family are sometimes invited) and we're "reclaiming" #2's condo in SF for us.

We're proud of #1 for pursuing a "noble" independent path, and of course we're happy to help him out when he needs it since he doesn't make that much money.  But the paradox is he resents us for "favoring" #2 but says he doesn't actually want that same treatment for himself.  Isn't that trying to have it both ways?

How can we "cut off" #2 without cutting off #1 though?[/quote]

Your real problem is that you think it's fine to permanently supplement your children's incomes. Please realize that this creates all sorts of unhealthy relationships and stunts the growth (in resilience and responsibility) of your children.

Apparently, choosing a noble career path "justifies" having a few perks from you. It shouldn't! 
DC1 isn't turning the help down, is he? So his job isn't all that noble, is it? He might not even have considered this path if you hadn't shown your willingness to fund a more luxurious life for him.
And then, DC1 feels guilty because his inactivity is somehow unworthy of receiving financial help??? That's ridiculous, because DC1 shouldn't be helped either.

My husband works in cancer research. He earns less than 6 figures with an MD and a PhD. He's saving future lives, and obviously isn't in it for the money. Our parents are not helping us, even though they could. We have enough to live on with our 2 children. Frugally. We prioritize education and culture. We are happy.

You have created a vicious cycle, and whatever you decide, it will be drama now or drama later. Pick your poison.[/quote]

OP here.  I don't expect Horatio Algers.  Nor do I think our children should be completely, 100% "cut off" or else be condemned as sinful ingrates by the likes of you.

We have no problem leaving aside some money for our children and grandchildren and help them from time to time.

Surely there's a middle ground here.

Take your 100% "tough love" attitude elsewhere.  I'm sure your husband has no shoes and ha to walk 5 miles to work every day in the snow, all in the name of "helping humanity" and not being dependent on anyone.  Nice platitudes, but it's not helpful here.  [/quote]

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