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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To clarify, the time share in Colorado is ours (we want it - though of course sometimes our children and extended family are sometimes invited) and we're "reclaiming" #2's condo in SF for us.

We're proud of #1 for pursuing a "noble" independent path, and of course we're happy to help him out when he needs it since he doesn't make that much money.  But the paradox is he resents us for "favoring" #2 but says he doesn't actually want that same treatment for himself.  Isn't that trying to have it both ways?

How can we "cut off" #2 without cutting off #1 though?[/quote]

You do just that.  Your sons are old enough to stand on their own and #1 is clear that he is willing to do so.  You clearly feel badly that he chose a "noble" path rather than the lucrative path that your husband chose.  He was able to choose that path because he knew he would have a soft landing if it went wrong - and that's okay.  But now he's asking to be left alone.  If you MUST help, offer to cover adoption fees, since those are extraordinary expenses.  When/if they have kids, offer to cover private school tuition, as that's a normal thing for well-off grandparents to cover.

If I can be honest, it seems like that money is burning a hole in your pocket.  Go to Rome.  Spend a month there.  See some art.  Do something for you, rather than continuing to enable your youngest to extend his adolescence into perpetuity.

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